Back to Square 1

Btw, for relationships, i'm back to square 1.

this goes out to only that sole person who automatically knows when i post.

and it reminds me sometimes, of my place right now.

and yeah, i'm soooo happy for that.

so its back to my piano otherwise.

now hooked on PB2.

you got tattoos for the prison. now you got tattoos for the world? lol. pro.

the world and its instability.

when you dun nd it, it comes. when you do, it runs away.

i shall make sure it always run away, then i know that it never came becoz it wanted to.

ah.... i hate going sch. i want o levels to come. all the stress and de-funning begins.

i want to take the damn o levels. oh wait...

not now.

anyway, i nd to find something to do in school.

JOAT, MON

jack of all trades, master of none.

depends lar.

i know i can't very much play dota to that specialist level.

nor pool.

nor piano.

nor warhammer. [my dwarfs can outrun calvary]

nor skate

nor write

nor paint

nor construct

nor collect

nor whatever.

specialist onli in thinking. which doesn't help.

and i think i'll just burn my entire life playing my piano.

NEW PHYSICS EQUATION

SPEED = FRICTION x SLIDE LENGTH

Reminds me of the emptiness i left

Being nostalgic is always a good thing. you get to savor the stupid and dumb things you've done back then, then move forward, becoz that's the only way you'll make memories.

like i told a friend.

everyone has a past they can hold on to, they got somewhere where they can live comfortably in and never need to move forward. its like a marathon, but on the way they find that secluded place that is more tempting to be in than to finish the run.

its called being sidetracked. but in our world right now, who cares about that? all they want is to fulfill their needs, be with materialism that they're happy about, all just to stick to their comfort zone. what can i do? i can't blame them for not moving forward. i can't be a critic about why they choose to stop running and just sit down there, happy watching the sunset that's so beautiful from that place.

and unlike the rest, i'm always moving forward. sometimes i take a step back or two, retrace my route, but i push on. should i be? why not? i don't have a favorable past i can lean on. to be truthful, none of my past has been great. your darkest wouldn't compare to mine.

friends always have problems. friends always got something they have to settle, something worth arguing about, something worth being better of, being the best of. friends always got goals and targets and things they want to accomplish. but so far, many of them are short-term. one which i don't quite have.

there's only one dream i will pursue, whether it will make me penniless or not. while i'm walking forward toward it, the rest have become accustomed, used to their own short-terms and stopped walking forward, living in the past.

people always have a problem. that problem always have a solution. that solution, is what makes them ok, makes them happy to stay where they are. a problem is created by oneself. trust me, think enough, you'll understand. so what's stopping people from moving forward? ourselves.

you know, frankly, maybe i'm exaggerating, maybe i'm exploiting some thoughts of mine too seriously becoz of possible recent events.

but, whenever, i see people with problems, most namely relationships, all sorts, i can't help but feel really sad for them. maybe its like a double-edge sword as well. i don't have that kind of problems. i wish i had, make my life abit more interesting.

but the thing is, while everyone has their own burdens, i see none as a problem except not having one. being proud, haughty becoz i seem superior? but if it enables me to move forward, then that's good enough for me.

so, while everyone is staying back, relunctant to move forward, unable to, don't wish to, comfortable being back there, i'm moving forward.

and in metaphorical sense, this moving forward means this. one day i'll look back and find that there's no one behind me becoz they're too far behind to be seen.

loners are derived from three aspects. not moving forward at all, stuck in the middle, and moving too fast. i'm the third.

and its probably this fact about me, which i've come to realise, that probably won't allow me to stick onto any place easily.

and like so many, so many times before.

i might have to leave someone behind like the rest of them. just like before.

And its +1 to Rejection

okok, not bragging or anything, but my score now is

Rejection - Loved

3 - 0

yeah. i'm gonna make it 4-0. who cares? first impression passed, fourth impression she already passed. second and third probably can get through. third maybe not lar. i need to make a fifth. she will, i don't care, if it's the truth she says, then fail the last impression.

who bothers? who cares. problems are solved two ways, before and after.

i'm gonna pick the former.

haix. gonna be a reallllli sad case. thx to the more experienced veterans, what i've been taught comes into play now.

the more i write, the less chance its gonna happen. break another heart, mine's plasticine.

dun judge a book by a cover
i always can say no
outside counts for once
inside counts forever


i believe, an aristocrat should get what an aristocrat is worth. you get what you deserve. you studied, you get your A's, u nv study properly, get yer D.

i believe that in this hierachy of class. the top should get the best, the bottom should accept their inability.

its not stereotyping anymore. its a mindset classification which probably be rightfully prejudiced.

doesn't matter if you don't have the works. want miracles go read books.

haix. it all comes back down to my question huh?

if you can classify someone into 10 different types of categories and thereafter 10 different more set of classes and after that 10 more sub-classes, you couldn't find a place for me.

i marked myself. i live different from the world. you're that standard i'm nowhere near your planet.

so, if i'm the other-worlder, then how much of your planet am i worth?

how much is an other-worlder suppose to be deserved?

Artificiality for a Girl

okok. this is gonna be my thoughts on artificiality for a girl.

for all i know. i'm probably more deeply involved in what i am now than in anything else becoz for this time, i think i got someone 50 paces behind me waiting for me to turn around.

i've come to realise the standards of girls by their number of ex-es.

btw, my com is so slow that by the time the screen writes a letter i've already written the five more ahead of it. so my keyboard is lagging. badly.

haha. but pretty cool. coz i'm typing faster than my computer. and with my kind of precision typing. yeah, its cool.

back to point.

from theological knowledge, so there can be no prejudice against me,

girls with zero ex and [lets say they all look decent lar]

they either have something definitely wrong about their character or attitude to things. or else its in the looks. or maybe they're too couped up with their social life or their own paths that they won't open the door to anyone else till the time is right. the best thing, you never know when it is right. btw, these have zero experience in relationship, and unless she's a theologist like me, which doesn't happen to people at all except me, good luck with the relationship. but once u get her, breaking the virginity of it usually is enough for her to never let you go. who lets go of their first whatever so easily? especially when it is in a field of neo-aspects.

girls with one ex [all the girls i'm referring to are those who don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend currently. u'd be surprised by the number of gal-gal relationships and guy-guy relationships.]

it depends on the age. all i'm stereotyping them to be of at least 2- years of worth in the relationship market. these, depending on their how long was the ex, if its been more than 6 months and still single, usually there's a good enough reason for why they don't have a boyfriend. these are more precarious and more potential than others. they got the experience but usually scared of another one. damn hard to open them up. otherwise, if its juz recently, the chances of getting them are significantly higher as they still have the edge to be loved and that kind of feeling takes time to go away. for normal cases.

i've got to remind you all that i'm not talking about exceptionals whatsoever.

if 2-3 ex then these are probably the most suitable. they got the experience, they know how to handle, but usually, if you got more than one ex then its either one who cannot handle the relationship. more ex usually correspond to lower handling ability in relationship. meaning unstable. so these categories will open their hearts. if taken as generic, one ex probably took some time before they died off. so chances are, they know how to pick. they have a higher standard and if one knows how to keep them, probably successful for life. if they can handle it. if let say all that is said are the same in terms of duration in the world of relationships, and of the same age, chances are, these are a good keep.


4-6 ex. they are probably more flirtious than others. no harm in that. but if in the same time and age they got more ex than others, like i said, probably can't keep relationships well and usually breakage is created by conflicts between both. easy to get, hard to keep. as the number of ex goes up, the easier to jio dao, but easier to break away. its simple principality. like a lock. first time you're latched its fk hard to let go if you want to. many times later attaching is super east coz all the mechanisms are worn and old. in metaphorical terms thats how it goes. don't take it to literal.

7 -10++ ok. these are probably the worst. they will always need to find the love there. and first few days of the relationships are probably gonna be the best. but when u realise that she needs you a hell lot and dosn't really give you time to do your things and stuff, it's gonna be a bummer. usually, they're like click and go. not happy switch. hard to keep. but usually these are those wtfh-chio de.

in terms of chio, the more chio the possibility, if got a lot of ex, of attitude being good is little. but if in terms of attitude, the less, the more better the girl, as in will last a long time.

and one more thing.

if you want to know if you really love that someone.

this is fking important.

take your someone, make another hundred copies of it who looks the same dress the same and sound the same. jio u the same way, happen to nearly possess everything he has like where he stay, school he goes to, intellect... why would your someone be different? why would your someone be better than him, why would you love him rather than the rest.

if you love becoz of looks, fk off. looks determine first impression. that's all.

and if there were a thousand guys, would you still choose your someone if all of them jio-ed you and possibly are the stereotypical guys that know how to jio, kiss and blah blah?

if you fking love your someone becoz he's the only person you can love. fk off. that's no love. that's called force love. even i can do that to a girl. no wait. i can't.

haha. but if you love someone becoz of looks, becoz he's the onli person that you can love that you don't have a broken past with, that is new, that you can start afresh, that becoz you want to feel the love again coz your ex left you,

then fk off.

right now, the only thing i'm scared is that becoz of limitations love can't even exist anymore. haha. i want to be loved becoz of me, not becoz of who i am, but becoz who i made myself into.