Ok... Enlightenment

I haven't been noticing trends...

But i saw one today.

I always wondered about a biasness against other individuals different to mine, a social stereotype everyone does.

But, i'm now wondering against it, because maybe a bit of biodiversity among humans is nice.

And of course, to back up my claim in changing stereotype for that...

Oh well... I am going to go for a Jap!!!

Prolly kill myself doing it.

Ok... WTfh.

damn... have to sympathise with another loser out there in the world in my school...

a girl no less... oh well... like Gn said...

anyway,

the worst kind of people are those who can't start a damn nice conversation without a genuine insult first...

i mean, wtfh is wrong with starting with something neutral, aside from praise and blah crap?

must you start with a damn insult? oh well... some idiots don't know their place.

i mean... insult sure... but personal, as in kinda personal, and GENUINE? even my group of friends don't go THAT far...

talk about labeling someone a bitch.

anyway, i hafta feel sad for her...

its quite hilarious, if you think about it.

she goes on and on and on about why so many people dislike her, hate her, create her own "group" or clique... watever, then like, you pia me i pia u.

or however that hokkien phrase goes... whether it is really hokkien or not.

so, the thing, about some stupid Sec4, which i decide to decline so in the future i won't have bad thoughts about her when i revisit this post, is that

never start a conversation with someone you're fairly close with WITH A GENUINE insult.

i mean, wtfh?

oh well... idiots and ironic individuals.

you can really see how someone doesn't think a lot and is still immature at heart, no matter how u see it.

i mean... for conversation aspects.

anyway, on another note.

2am... yea... 10pm or sorts? its almost the same thing.

try before 9pm. but thx anyway. gambatte for O's.

And there was this

Suicide-d

I looked over, feeling the zephyrs whipping themselves past me as I glance at the sitting figure. She was there yet again, she to whom I would normally take notice in. Except in this case, it was different.

Life always has two ends. How they are played out, however, is an entirely different scenario to each individual. Painfully or ecstatically, it is in our power to choose. I remember once, once when I was a distraught adolescent crushed by the burdens of the world, I had tried to take the seemingly easier, yet more horrible path, many of those akin to me would take. There is a reason why I am able to write this story.

Eons back, in a memory I once lived, the worldly problems entered my life. For reasons I did not want to see believable, I chose to hide myself from the general society. In a place where the population shaped the community, when I could no longer be able to follow the conformities that society itself created, I left it, doing so throwing my life away.

It was my sixth day into it, when I noticed the first other person. Consecutively, I broke into the roof of the high-rise building and spent my hours staring at the sky sunrise to sunset. Whether it was rain or shine, freezing cold or scorching hot out, I was there, only to creep back to reality, or what was left of it, just to appear normal to otherwise avoid suspicion that would ruin my daily escape.

He was probably older, maybe just a tad older. From this far a distance I couldn’t really see his face, but I knew what his expression held, one of that I’ve seen too many times. The depression evolved through broken love. While my situation was nowhere near his, his pain was roughly in parity to mine. The hurts of a stereotypical boy such as one were trivial things to cry over, yet despite the fact he was an idiot to follow the path I took, somewhere inside me I felt for him.

And so, it continued, a silent one-sided bond between two guys who couldn’t care anymore for the world, for nearly a week. Each time he would arrive at a designated time, always shortly after I did. And we’d spend our days just staring and wondering when we should just pass on to the next step in our lives.

Until, there was her. He probably noticed her first, a pretty sylph that had those sickened eyes I wasn’t quite familiar with, but knew to be the result of something disastrous. He never eyed her, but glanced when it was just barely needed, just to check she was still there.

There were only three of us, me who saw the two, him who saw her; and her who could only stare downwards. The sun had just barely managed to dip into the foggy horizon when she got up. Simultaneously, both of us turn to look at her. While she was directly opposite him, to whom I was by the side of, her gaze missed him completely. Figuring she was about to jump, we continued to watch. Then she left us in silence.

As usual, the boy left first, leaving me to feed the blowing gales of wind with my presence. I got up, and then decided that maybe, tomorrow would be the day I decided to move on in life.

A day later, I was back up on the rooftop, watching the sunset and pondering about my troubles. Superficial as they were, the circumstance that they brought into play was something I couldn’t just forget and leave it as it is. It shaped my life, my reality and my heart. Glancing once at the boy, who never bothered to look to his left this whole time, on the opposite building, I realised that it was stupid of him just to go like that, but then knew I was not so much different after all. I got up, dusted my jeans and looked down at the populace below.

It was then I noticed her again. I probably had diverted too much of my concentration on thinking about what I have done to ignore the fact I missed out on watching her come into play in this solitude I had built up.

Looking her, I gauged her for a moment, wondering if she was the same as me, or like the boy. It was just a random thought, to delay the future. Yet it was that which led to her saving me.

She got up, quicker than yesterday, but this time noticed the boy. She stepped up to the edge of the building. For some strange reason, the boy followed suit. There was no exchange of words, at least none that I could notice. All three of us were standing, me facing the two, who were staring at their respective counterparts.

Here was when the boy nodded, then gracefully bowed, sweeping his right hand from under him with his left at his back, towards the girl. A gentleman’s gesture for the “ladies first” mannerism so many of us lacked. Her sad face, an unchangeable expression the moment I saw her, broke into a sad, sad smile; one that read of warmness and sorrows. After which she took a step forward and disappeared into the winds that I sought company each day. Thereafter, the boy followed.

I didn’t know why, but I spent the entire evening and night crying. In my heart, at that point of time, a sudden feeling overwhelmed me. In life, sometimes all we’re faced is with pain and hurt. Whether we choose to give up or not is our freedom to choose. But there was something in her unseen smile that forced me to go home that night. There was something in those two complete strangers who pulled a smile from each other despite their accepted future that caused me to truly stop and think.

I think such an occurrence is called changing lives. Singular or plural, for an ephemeral time or an everlasting one, I desired such. Something that could assuage me, I realised; I found what people called “truth”. And then my life was suddenly too precious.

Felix C.

Diao...

Ok, finish the entire notes on the entire chem thingie.

ain't suppose to be here anyways.

found a nice place to hang out and study. bishan!!

and still, no proof kenneth has friends that do have substantial value to them. or even exist.

bishan is a cool place. aristocrat class... but heck, i can manage.

glance, savor, imprint.

its all about impressions and point-moments. that, i realize, is more of the society. its not so much of knowing people, its just seeing the world.

but it'd good to have a few random contacts.

Found it.

Ok, so i haven't found "perfection".

But i found the way to achieve it.

Perfection, is derived from solely two things.

Perfect 100% intentional doings and absolute 100% unintentional factors.

There's a difference between hoping, and not hoping, and it still happens.

Go figure.

Dammit.

Its juz one damn friggin neighbour.