Techn44r

Deciding to be F***ed up

2008-01-14T11:19:00.000+08:00

Back to the stupid question that I have hounded upon for nearly 4 years and still running.

How does one know the fuck whether they love anyone or not?

And of course, my standard answer is this.

Given a multitude of potential people, as in a hell lot of people, why would one pick that one?

And this, ensures that I will always get my life back.

From here on, it's just me, my life and nothing else. I so swear, that I will not bend or compromise to anyone else's rule, except my khaki.

I want to run, and be able to run.

And if I can't run anymore, someone please tell me to pick myself up, and keep on running. The only identity I will bother to consider ever again will be those that can catch up to me.

Goals

2007-12-21T18:48:00.000+08:00

Ok.

Chapter 2 by end december

cross acid by end december

say something substantial in jap by end december

elfen lied by end december

What I've Done by end Jan 1st Week

Chapters layout by end Jan 1st week

Chapter 3 by end Jan 1st week

cross acid toe by end Jan 1st week

chobits by end Jan 1st week

school rumble by end jan 1st week

Pushing me Away by end Jan 2nd Week

Rubik cube by end Jan 2nd week

Chapter 4 by end Jan 2nd Week

lucky star by end Jan 2nd week

Hayate no Gotoku by end Jan 2nd week

negima manga latest chap by end jan 2nd week

My December by end Jan 3rd Week

Chapter 5 by end Jan 3rd Week

unity by end Jan 3rd week

FLCL by end Jan 3rd week

strawberry eggs by end Jan 3rd week

Chapter 6 by end Jan

say something interestingly substantial in jap by end january

cowboy bebop by end jan

no more gaming, and moving on to real life.

2007-12-19T12:20:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. it's ME!

2007-12-19T12:18:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDfSfpZDr2w&feature=user

2007-12-05T14:01:00.001+08:00

Tyco is one thing, I also can super suae.

At 5th December at 4e1/4e2 chalet, yes, both same day same location for all 3rd 4th and 5th of December, that is Tyco. Me me me!

anyway, at that time we go bathe, and halfway, if i got it correct, here goes.

"&^%*& la!" [started by either zhi yung or caleb...]

there after got a lot of scolding from our group.

me, lerbies, kok wee and kenneth were bathing first in the cubicle, in order of furthest from the toliet door.

evans, zhi yung terence and melvin camp outside, since onli got 4 cubicles.

so scold scold scold then kw play water.

he was like

"don't spray la! @#$%@" when he said it he spray.

so, two cubicles away kena me. i tot it was caleb, since he's the onli one beside me in cubicle, the otherside was the wall.

i scold caleb.

scold scold, he scold back coz nt him, then i tot so XL, spray still scold, so scold louder.

"@#$%" [felix]

"@#$%@#$" [caleb]

"#%@#$%@#$%@#$% bodoh" [felix]

yea, its malay for stupid.

so, then the security guard come in.

"OI!" [guard] shout damn loud, everyone saw him and heard him shaddup, except kw who went

"kao bei arh" [kw] lol then the guard talk

"scold bobo what? very funny izzit? scold bobo and spray water?" [guard] bobo? i said bodoh suddenly got someone called bobo in my group. dunno how bodoh = bobo. but anyway we got a bobo.

"come on out of your cubicle" [guard] the other seven all shaddup, the four outside saw him mah, then the rest heard the malay voice.

when he said come out, all hum ji damn scared then like "jia lat jia lat knn shit man..."

this is wad i did.

i threw my underwear on the door, hang mah... bathe rite? then threw my pants over my underwear, coz underwear lighter, scared fly off. then door high, so nd force [physics] to throw it over properly, then coz my pants got belt, got the "pang" sound, then coz suddenly v quiet, so v noisy. then immediately after i go bathe mah, then got the water "goooosh gooosh" sound.

like "come out!" then i like ignore him go bathe, zhun zhun "out" my underwear hang over, then coz he outside can see mah, then everyone laughing, but dun dare laugh... coz scared but damn funny.

then i scold, coz v quiet, then thinkin they PS me.

"scold scold scold kanasai lar cheebye" [felix] everyone diam le

i know i scold a lot during the silence.

"#@$%@#$%@#$^@#$%@#^@#$^%@#$%@^&@#$%@#^$@#$%" [felix]

then i think the guard scared, coz i spam mah... then after that got another silence.

i find it quite weird everyone shaddup, but then silent marh... so then as he leaving, i said

"na bei..." like the wa lau, hum-ji-izzit that tone. then everyone like wanna laugh but scared. but the guy never kao bei back, he scared i think... i think he think i pai kia...

the environment damn hilarious.

then when i come out of the cubicle.

they all say

"wa lau, pro nia, scold security guard."

"what guard?" [felix]

SkatArs

2007-11-19T13:39:00.000+08:00

The world is small. It got smaller. And when i got into the world. There was no place for me because everyone had something, somewhere, somebody to go to.

So im back from hope to diablo2e and killing andariel. that reminds me. level up my FF character...

Testimonials

2007-11-12T21:49:00.001+08:00

Testimonials

Caleb – In a way, when he’s grumpy, I don’t like him. And I also don’t like the way it’s only my turn to XL him at Fridays when we used to chiong dota after school. But, for him, he’s a better friend than most. Like those miniature characters in those games where you don’t quite depend on but need them. And thanks for the playstation 1.

Chan Ivin – AH!!! TEACHER WHO PWNS AT DOTA AND WOW!! Lol. First time I met such a fatal teacher. So maybe I don’t pay attention to his bio class, but I love bio because its interesting and Chan can make it so. For the dota for the games for the youth for Chan!!

Chin Kheng – If anything, if I did good in academics, he did better. If I did better, he was the best. Haha. Amazing how he got time for dota and sleep in class as well as topping nearly everything. 7 awards? Lol. Strong character to start with, true potential. Not to be reckoned with.

Darren – Firstly, the dude I came to distrust the most. Seriously, I could never trust him at one point. Today, after 4 years of friendship, there are things I rather confide in him. While my life doesn’t quite revolve around his, its glad you got someone that has nearly the same interest as you. All thanks to him for introducing to me Heroes and all the writing inspiration.

Emerson – The anti-luck person!! Haha. As tyco as me but more towards harbinger than help. But he’s fun, he can spit and he’s hilarious. Of course, there’s always the lame illogical wisdom he gives that saves your life periodically. Chee!!

Freddy – Diablo stealer! Haha. Nice guy, except when it comes to hunting down a punching bag. One of those standard-issue friends you gotta have, kinda like not for the numbers but for the friend itself.

Gn – I start to know him more by his family name than his given name. But we all know who he is. Thee Alvin!! Haha. Meet him over Ragnarok. Damn lols. Well, he’s reliable and one of my good AMK-ian friends. For Subway and Sakae!!

Goh Shirley – Ah… My SS and geog teacher. Personally, the best class to sleep in cause she doesn’t really bother. But she gives lots of notes and all the best to her teaching classes!

Graham – The cool, aloof wandering boy. Easy to be with but harder know. Companion buddy!! For cool!

Hong Cherh – Warhammer fantasy!! Ok ok, so I lost the battle for lizardmen ownage. But heck, rare to find a fantasy player. Lame, as most of them are, but the more pro-lame. Haha. Lizzies and 44!

Huda – Aduh! Did I make that up? Or kena copyrighted? Anyway, friendly, explosive and often unpredictable character that livens up the class but of course, not without its abuses. Need to find a smile, find huda.

Huey Lin – Always admired the fact she could do well in studies. So I always plotted to do better than her in academics. Apparently it hasn’t been true for awhile. Lol.

Ian – THAILAND!!! STINGRAY!! This is the dude that showed me the path of OBS!! Ahaha. Had fun times. He’s reliable, effective, and taught me the principal of saving time. A hardworking, one to follow.

Jaclyn – In some ways, while we’re not as close as a lot of people I know out there, by chance by luck I learnt another important lessons. Well, a few. One by accident the others by lessons. Haha.

Jerome – All hail Xbox pro. Can’t thrash him anywhere on TV consoles. Except his famed freedom gundam pwned by my weird dog like gundam. Lol. Monumental event. He’s hardworking, his notes are stack high, and he never fails to be lame and funny, despite not trying to.

Jia Li – She’s good in studies. Top in NCC. Lol. Respectable role model. One of those interesting characters I regard highly off.

Jia Ying – Made more of an impact during sec 3 than sec 4. But fun to hang around with, and she has this trait of not easily letting go small minor situations. Interestingly an ability that can bring small smiles to faces.

Jie Ying – Gingers. Anway, this is my foundation friend. The person I built my identity along side. Haha. 2e2 we don’t care!! Lols. She taught me a lot of reality and made me realise a lot of mistakes I did with my life. Hard to forget this one. Especially when everyday I’m wearing the spectacles with the little weird stickers she placed on them. Gambatte!

Jun Ru – A pretty individual, to speak. For her, the most admirable would be the jumping of streams in academics. Its like she doesn’t bother about around her and pushes forward despite anything. Traits to be remembered.

Justina – A nice person if you’re on her good sides, otherwise easy to be with and laughable. Friendly, interactive and socially nice. She taught me a lot of things I can’t learn from a guy. Lol.

Karen – One of those unique individuals that’s like a falling leaf into a pond. Study character somewhat in which I respect.

Kenneth – ah.. the bugger who I can’t seem to acknowledge that he has real friends. Him and the cheesecake. Lol. Technically, powerful. Not to mess around, with all his weird hacks and programs. Lol. My 88 buddy!

Lena – She can study. Haha. Met her randomly before. Friendly face to know.

Leonard Liew – This is the idol I respect and admire. He does it all I dream of. Writing, gaming and food. You got no idea how much those mean to me. The person who taught me to train my stomach!! Of course, he’s the first pro I give recognition. Another writing inspirator. Actually the only other one. Subway and Sakae! All hail Lao Na.

Markus – Ah. The bugger who bullies me. Taller, clean faced bugger. Lol. But if you can get on his nice side, pretty easy to be with. Kinda like another paddy but beats me up more. Marko!

Natasa – Don’t really come into contact, but she’s nice. Changed quite a bit as well. Haha. Another random friendly face to know.

Olivia – Ok, so maybe approach-wise and initiating conversation isn’t really a good inherent thing to be judged, but she’s nice. More of the rugged “this-is-mine” type. Haha. An ideal person to look up to if you need space.

Paddy – Tall towering unbearably lame. He always look cooler than me, so that’s one of the reason I gave up trying to look cool. Paddy and his handphones. First thing in accident is his phone. Lol. Kinda like those “diao….” Big brothers to me. For lame for height!

Pauline – for the ex-prefects! Haha. Meet in a weird weird way, but dangerously illuminating one. A sweet charming individual.

Ron – Scrabble. Haha. Not bad actually. More of the stoic aristocratic class I generally can’t be in, but nice in that he has sort of a “self-driven path” feel to him.

Sean – Lololololololololololol! Anyway, he is the second hockey fanatic after me in this school. Probably plays better than me coz he has the stamina. For hockey!!! Haha. Also nearly the only guy I can join those hamachi games of dota. Otherwise, this guy, my 2-3 month O level study buddy, is my “khaki” also. XD

Shaohui – Interesting history to remember. Always there for me despite times of studying, ignorance, anger, hurt or important times I shouldn’t even be interrupting. Haha. In some ways a friend I can never match up to be.

Soon Hock – He’s hilarious. I mean, in anything he can add spunk. But otherwise too much spunk is always bad for health. But it’s better than sugar. Fish! I got a grouper in my fish tank that is called soon hock, so I can’t quite forget him. Haha.

Terence – Same class for 10 years. That is wicked. Anyhow, I got more connections to him than anyone else. Absolutely my trustable source. While sometimes he gets on my nerves, its that that makes him a good friend. For 10 years of same class!!

Vincci – One of those sorts that are ignorant of critics and goes her own way. Makes her own path and follows it, unlike many out there. There are simply people who you can’t weigh down.

Wasi – Ah. The rehman. Funny likeable character no one can come to dislike. Seemingly potential in knowing people. He like knows everyone? Haha. Too many friends he said. But, definitely a very helpful dude.

Wei Ming – I doubt he’ll read this. Anyhow, this is the one other “khaki” that comes out no matter when, even though he has something important on and will do anything to extricate himself out of his situation to meet me and Sean. Also, all the midnight supper training!! Haha. He’s a bit too free for me, but he is like me. Call me and I’m going.

Wei Ting – Another random friendly face. Nice going too. And of course, easily tickled.

William – Captivated easily, but of course, sets his own rules to follow. Recently begun to be more pro in games. Lol. No offence, but he can learn fast. Soon he’ll be one of those top people.

Willie – One of the arcade drummers I used to hang out with. More of the silent type but forward ones. You can’t quite get bored with him. The kid that I challenged on sobakasu completion for extreme. Lol. A historic event.

Wilson – Ah, the guy that’s always hardworking. Cool nice and friendly to talk to.

Ye Tong – OMG!! Haha. He’s inevitably the most interesting character in our school. Quirky, abit too much, and of course, causes the most jokes. He is hilarious, in all aspects, and I mean in everything. Need to de-stress, go to him.

Yew Chuen – Ah, the wannabe owner in games. Well, he does own in a lot of stuff. Nice to talk to, while crushingly lame, often a good person to chat with.

Zhi Yung – Caused one of the lesser known incidents. But he’s nice. Although abit too much of self-guided, he can follow a path he choses.

Zi Yang – My far far neighbour! Friendly, nice-going and good to hang out with. I remember one night he accompanied me for supper that night I brought home a tortoise I caught on the road. Easily a friend to be with.

Ok... Enlightenment

2007-10-25T20:23:00.001+08:00

I haven't been noticing trends...

But i saw one today.

I always wondered about a biasness against other individuals different to mine, a social stereotype everyone does.

But, i'm now wondering against it, because maybe a bit of biodiversity among humans is nice.

And of course, to back up my claim in changing stereotype for that...

Oh well... I am going to go for a Jap!!!

Prolly kill myself doing it.

Ok... WTfh.

2007-10-22T18:21:00.000+08:00

damn... have to sympathise with another loser out there in the world in my school...

a girl no less... oh well... like Gn said...

anyway,

the worst kind of people are those who can't start a damn nice conversation without a genuine insult first...

i mean, wtfh is wrong with starting with something neutral, aside from praise and blah crap?

must you start with a damn insult? oh well... some idiots don't know their place.

i mean... insult sure... but personal, as in kinda personal, and GENUINE? even my group of friends don't go THAT far...

talk about labeling someone a bitch.

anyway, i hafta feel sad for her...

its quite hilarious, if you think about it.

she goes on and on and on about why so many people dislike her, hate her, create her own "group" or clique... watever, then like, you pia me i pia u.

or however that hokkien phrase goes... whether it is really hokkien or not.

so, the thing, about some stupid Sec4, which i decide to decline so in the future i won't have bad thoughts about her when i revisit this post, is that

never start a conversation with someone you're fairly close with WITH A GENUINE insult.

i mean, wtfh?

oh well... idiots and ironic individuals.

you can really see how someone doesn't think a lot and is still immature at heart, no matter how u see it.

i mean... for conversation aspects.

anyway, on another note.

2am... yea... 10pm or sorts? its almost the same thing.

try before 9pm. but thx anyway. gambatte for O's.

And there was this

2007-10-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

Suicide-d

I looked over, feeling the zephyrs whipping themselves past me as I glance at the sitting figure. She was there yet again, she to whom I would normally take notice in. Except in this case, it was different.

Life always has two ends. How they are played out, however, is an entirely different scenario to each individual. Painfully or ecstatically, it is in our power to choose. I remember once, once when I was a distraught adolescent crushed by the burdens of the world, I had tried to take the seemingly easier, yet more horrible path, many of those akin to me would take. There is a reason why I am able to write this story.

Eons back, in a memory I once lived, the worldly problems entered my life. For reasons I did not want to see believable, I chose to hide myself from the general society. In a place where the population shaped the community, when I could no longer be able to follow the conformities that society itself created, I left it, doing so throwing my life away.

It was my sixth day into it, when I noticed the first other person. Consecutively, I broke into the roof of the high-rise building and spent my hours staring at the sky sunrise to sunset. Whether it was rain or shine, freezing cold or scorching hot out, I was there, only to creep back to reality, or what was left of it, just to appear normal to otherwise avoid suspicion that would ruin my daily escape.

He was probably older, maybe just a tad older. From this far a distance I couldn’t really see his face, but I knew what his expression held, one of that I’ve seen too many times. The depression evolved through broken love. While my situation was nowhere near his, his pain was roughly in parity to mine. The hurts of a stereotypical boy such as one were trivial things to cry over, yet despite the fact he was an idiot to follow the path I took, somewhere inside me I felt for him.

And so, it continued, a silent one-sided bond between two guys who couldn’t care anymore for the world, for nearly a week. Each time he would arrive at a designated time, always shortly after I did. And we’d spend our days just staring and wondering when we should just pass on to the next step in our lives.

Until, there was her. He probably noticed her first, a pretty sylph that had those sickened eyes I wasn’t quite familiar with, but knew to be the result of something disastrous. He never eyed her, but glanced when it was just barely needed, just to check she was still there.

There were only three of us, me who saw the two, him who saw her; and her who could only stare downwards. The sun had just barely managed to dip into the foggy horizon when she got up. Simultaneously, both of us turn to look at her. While she was directly opposite him, to whom I was by the side of, her gaze missed him completely. Figuring she was about to jump, we continued to watch. Then she left us in silence.

As usual, the boy left first, leaving me to feed the blowing gales of wind with my presence. I got up, and then decided that maybe, tomorrow would be the day I decided to move on in life.

A day later, I was back up on the rooftop, watching the sunset and pondering about my troubles. Superficial as they were, the circumstance that they brought into play was something I couldn’t just forget and leave it as it is. It shaped my life, my reality and my heart. Glancing once at the boy, who never bothered to look to his left this whole time, on the opposite building, I realised that it was stupid of him just to go like that, but then knew I was not so much different after all. I got up, dusted my jeans and looked down at the populace below.

It was then I noticed her again. I probably had diverted too much of my concentration on thinking about what I have done to ignore the fact I missed out on watching her come into play in this solitude I had built up.

Looking her, I gauged her for a moment, wondering if she was the same as me, or like the boy. It was just a random thought, to delay the future. Yet it was that which led to her saving me.

She got up, quicker than yesterday, but this time noticed the boy. She stepped up to the edge of the building. For some strange reason, the boy followed suit. There was no exchange of words, at least none that I could notice. All three of us were standing, me facing the two, who were staring at their respective counterparts.

Here was when the boy nodded, then gracefully bowed, sweeping his right hand from under him with his left at his back, towards the girl. A gentleman’s gesture for the “ladies first” mannerism so many of us lacked. Her sad face, an unchangeable expression the moment I saw her, broke into a sad, sad smile; one that read of warmness and sorrows. After which she took a step forward and disappeared into the winds that I sought company each day. Thereafter, the boy followed.

I didn’t know why, but I spent the entire evening and night crying. In my heart, at that point of time, a sudden feeling overwhelmed me. In life, sometimes all we’re faced is with pain and hurt. Whether we choose to give up or not is our freedom to choose. But there was something in her unseen smile that forced me to go home that night. There was something in those two complete strangers who pulled a smile from each other despite their accepted future that caused me to truly stop and think.

I think such an occurrence is called changing lives. Singular or plural, for an ephemeral time or an everlasting one, I desired such. Something that could assuage me, I realised; I found what people called “truth”. And then my life was suddenly too precious.

Felix C.

Diao...

2007-10-10T18:31:00.000+08:00

Ok, finish the entire notes on the entire chem thingie.

ain't suppose to be here anyways.

found a nice place to hang out and study. bishan!!

and still, no proof kenneth has friends that do have substantial value to them. or even exist.

bishan is a cool place. aristocrat class... but heck, i can manage.

glance, savor, imprint.

its all about impressions and point-moments. that, i realize, is more of the society. its not so much of knowing people, its just seeing the world.

but it'd good to have a few random contacts.

Found it.

2007-10-06T20:16:00.000+08:00

Ok, so i haven't found "perfection".

But i found the way to achieve it.

Perfection, is derived from solely two things.

Perfect 100% intentional doings and absolute 100% unintentional factors.

There's a difference between hoping, and not hoping, and it still happens.

Go figure.

Dammit.

2007-10-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

Its juz one damn friggin neighbour.

Back to Square 1

2007-09-11T18:35:00.001+08:00

Btw, for relationships, i'm back to square 1.

this goes out to only that sole person who automatically knows when i post.

and it reminds me sometimes, of my place right now.

and yeah, i'm soooo happy for that.

so its back to my piano otherwise.

now hooked on PB2.

you got tattoos for the prison. now you got tattoos for the world? lol. pro.

the world and its instability.

when you dun nd it, it comes. when you do, it runs away.

i shall make sure it always run away, then i know that it never came becoz it wanted to.

ah.... i hate going sch. i want o levels to come. all the stress and de-funning begins.

i want to take the damn o levels. oh wait...

not now.

anyway, i nd to find something to do in school.

JOAT, MON

2007-09-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

jack of all trades, master of none.

depends lar.

i know i can't very much play dota to that specialist level.

nor pool.

nor piano.

nor warhammer. [my dwarfs can outrun calvary]

nor skate

nor write

nor paint

nor construct

nor collect

nor whatever.

specialist onli in thinking. which doesn't help.

and i think i'll just burn my entire life playing my piano.

NEW PHYSICS EQUATION

SPEED = FRICTION x SLIDE LENGTH

Reminds me of the emptiness i left

2007-09-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

Being nostalgic is always a good thing. you get to savor the stupid and dumb things you've done back then, then move forward, becoz that's the only way you'll make memories.

like i told a friend.

everyone has a past they can hold on to, they got somewhere where they can live comfortably in and never need to move forward. its like a marathon, but on the way they find that secluded place that is more tempting to be in than to finish the run.

its called being sidetracked. but in our world right now, who cares about that? all they want is to fulfill their needs, be with materialism that they're happy about, all just to stick to their comfort zone. what can i do? i can't blame them for not moving forward. i can't be a critic about why they choose to stop running and just sit down there, happy watching the sunset that's so beautiful from that place.

and unlike the rest, i'm always moving forward. sometimes i take a step back or two, retrace my route, but i push on. should i be? why not? i don't have a favorable past i can lean on. to be truthful, none of my past has been great. your darkest wouldn't compare to mine.

friends always have problems. friends always got something they have to settle, something worth arguing about, something worth being better of, being the best of. friends always got goals and targets and things they want to accomplish. but so far, many of them are short-term. one which i don't quite have.

there's only one dream i will pursue, whether it will make me penniless or not. while i'm walking forward toward it, the rest have become accustomed, used to their own short-terms and stopped walking forward, living in the past.

people always have a problem. that problem always have a solution. that solution, is what makes them ok, makes them happy to stay where they are. a problem is created by oneself. trust me, think enough, you'll understand. so what's stopping people from moving forward? ourselves.

you know, frankly, maybe i'm exaggerating, maybe i'm exploiting some thoughts of mine too seriously becoz of possible recent events.

but, whenever, i see people with problems, most namely relationships, all sorts, i can't help but feel really sad for them. maybe its like a double-edge sword as well. i don't have that kind of problems. i wish i had, make my life abit more interesting.

but the thing is, while everyone has their own burdens, i see none as a problem except not having one. being proud, haughty becoz i seem superior? but if it enables me to move forward, then that's good enough for me.

so, while everyone is staying back, relunctant to move forward, unable to, don't wish to, comfortable being back there, i'm moving forward.

and in metaphorical sense, this moving forward means this. one day i'll look back and find that there's no one behind me becoz they're too far behind to be seen.

loners are derived from three aspects. not moving forward at all, stuck in the middle, and moving too fast. i'm the third.

and its probably this fact about me, which i've come to realise, that probably won't allow me to stick onto any place easily.

and like so many, so many times before.

i might have to leave someone behind like the rest of them. just like before.

And its +1 to Rejection

2007-09-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

okok, not bragging or anything, but my score now is

Rejection - Loved

3 - 0

yeah. i'm gonna make it 4-0. who cares? first impression passed, fourth impression she already passed. second and third probably can get through. third maybe not lar. i need to make a fifth. she will, i don't care, if it's the truth she says, then fail the last impression.

who bothers? who cares. problems are solved two ways, before and after.

i'm gonna pick the former.

haix. gonna be a reallllli sad case. thx to the more experienced veterans, what i've been taught comes into play now.

the more i write, the less chance its gonna happen. break another heart, mine's plasticine.

dun judge a book by a cover
i always can say no
outside counts for once
inside counts forever

i believe, an aristocrat should get what an aristocrat is worth. you get what you deserve. you studied, you get your A's, u nv study properly, get yer D.

i believe that in this hierachy of class. the top should get the best, the bottom should accept their inability.

its not stereotyping anymore. its a mindset classification which probably be rightfully prejudiced.

doesn't matter if you don't have the works. want miracles go read books.

haix. it all comes back down to my question huh?

if you can classify someone into 10 different types of categories and thereafter 10 different more set of classes and after that 10 more sub-classes, you couldn't find a place for me.

i marked myself. i live different from the world. you're that standard i'm nowhere near your planet.

so, if i'm the other-worlder, then how much of your planet am i worth?

how much is an other-worlder suppose to be deserved?

Artificiality for a Girl

2007-09-03T19:13:00.000+08:00

okok. this is gonna be my thoughts on artificiality for a girl.

for all i know. i'm probably more deeply involved in what i am now than in anything else becoz for this time, i think i got someone 50 paces behind me waiting for me to turn around.

i've come to realise the standards of girls by their number of ex-es.

btw, my com is so slow that by the time the screen writes a letter i've already written the five more ahead of it. so my keyboard is lagging. badly.

haha. but pretty cool. coz i'm typing faster than my computer. and with my kind of precision typing. yeah, its cool.

back to point.

from theological knowledge, so there can be no prejudice against me,

girls with zero ex and [lets say they all look decent lar]

they either have something definitely wrong about their character or attitude to things. or else its in the looks. or maybe they're too couped up with their social life or their own paths that they won't open the door to anyone else till the time is right. the best thing, you never know when it is right. btw, these have zero experience in relationship, and unless she's a theologist like me, which doesn't happen to people at all except me, good luck with the relationship. but once u get her, breaking the virginity of it usually is enough for her to never let you go. who lets go of their first whatever so easily? especially when it is in a field of neo-aspects.

girls with one ex [all the girls i'm referring to are those who don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend currently. u'd be surprised by the number of gal-gal relationships and guy-guy relationships.]

it depends on the age. all i'm stereotyping them to be of at least 2- years of worth in the relationship market. these, depending on their how long was the ex, if its been more than 6 months and still single, usually there's a good enough reason for why they don't have a boyfriend. these are more precarious and more potential than others. they got the experience but usually scared of another one. damn hard to open them up. otherwise, if its juz recently, the chances of getting them are significantly higher as they still have the edge to be loved and that kind of feeling takes time to go away. for normal cases.

i've got to remind you all that i'm not talking about exceptionals whatsoever.

if 2-3 ex then these are probably the most suitable. they got the experience, they know how to handle, but usually, if you got more than one ex then its either one who cannot handle the relationship. more ex usually correspond to lower handling ability in relationship. meaning unstable. so these categories will open their hearts. if taken as generic, one ex probably took some time before they died off. so chances are, they know how to pick. they have a higher standard and if one knows how to keep them, probably successful for life. if they can handle it. if let say all that is said are the same in terms of duration in the world of relationships, and of the same age, chances are, these are a good keep.

4-6 ex. they are probably more flirtious than others. no harm in that. but if in the same time and age they got more ex than others, like i said, probably can't keep relationships well and usually breakage is created by conflicts between both. easy to get, hard to keep. as the number of ex goes up, the easier to jio dao, but easier to break away. its simple principality. like a lock. first time you're latched its fk hard to let go if you want to. many times later attaching is super east coz all the mechanisms are worn and old. in metaphorical terms thats how it goes. don't take it to literal.

7 -10++ ok. these are probably the worst. they will always need to find the love there. and first few days of the relationships are probably gonna be the best. but when u realise that she needs you a hell lot and dosn't really give you time to do your things and stuff, it's gonna be a bummer. usually, they're like click and go. not happy switch. hard to keep. but usually these are those wtfh-chio de.

in terms of chio, the more chio the possibility, if got a lot of ex, of attitude being good is little. but if in terms of attitude, the less, the more better the girl, as in will last a long time.

and one more thing.

if you want to know if you really love that someone.

this is fking important.

take your someone, make another hundred copies of it who looks the same dress the same and sound the same. jio u the same way, happen to nearly possess everything he has like where he stay, school he goes to, intellect... why would your someone be different? why would your someone be better than him, why would you love him rather than the rest.

if you love becoz of looks, fk off. looks determine first impression. that's all.

and if there were a thousand guys, would you still choose your someone if all of them jio-ed you and possibly are the stereotypical guys that know how to jio, kiss and blah blah?

if you fking love your someone becoz he's the only person you can love. fk off. that's no love. that's called force love. even i can do that to a girl. no wait. i can't.

haha. but if you love someone becoz of looks, becoz he's the onli person that you can love that you don't have a broken past with, that is new, that you can start afresh, that becoz you want to feel the love again coz your ex left you,

then fk off.

right now, the only thing i'm scared is that becoz of limitations love can't even exist anymore. haha. i want to be loved becoz of me, not becoz of who i am, but becoz who i made myself into.

the art of holding hands

2007-08-24T14:18:00.000+08:00

personally, if asked ard, holding hands might seem the most inconspicuous thing to do in a relationship, or whatever. but i've learnt the technique for doing it.

the first thing to note WHH [when holding hand] is that it must be unconsciously done. as in, she must feel unconscious about it and as if its supposed to happen.

no wait, not supposed to happen, but "just happened".

some girls are very robust, some gentle. the difference usually doesn't matter.

but for girls who seem shy. there's a way around it then juz suddenly holding her hand out of nowhere.

they won't grip u well if u do that btw.

anyway. u must do it more of subconscious impulse. i repeat, subconscious impulse. not impulse.

this is the best trick so far i've seen WHH.

first, tell her that maybe u go this direction. say "ltr turn left."

then make sure she's on the left side so when turning, she has to turn first. mathematics, she has to turn first coz since she walks left of u, u have to walk more distance, therefore if u have rmb to walk at her pace, she'd turn first no matter wad.

then turn right and in doing so, u have to time this perfectly. or u can don't do that. but. grab her hand then turn opposite in direction, which means right, for this scenario.

if u can, say "nvm, i changed my mind."

U MUST SOUND INCONSPICUOUS!!!

so once u managed to hold her hand, U MUST FREAKING TURN OPPOSITE DIRECTION OR ELSE SHE'LL SUSPECT. if she has read this then she'll suspect anywayes. lol.

then PRETEND ITS LIKE A FRIENDLY GESTURE.

it must come naturally. to her. the trick is to act normal and slightly unconscious about it and pretend that when u hold her hand, it's like, due to the moment that kind of thing. don't hesitate. izzit? yeah. dun hesitate.

u can jerk her hand, as in grip it forcefully then pull her your direction. she'll be inclined to hold your hand as in really holding hand that holding hand by reflex. she probably realise the current situation and won't let go then.

or you can take it gently. yeah. probably easier. but this way, she has time to react and sense that it's not "of the moment" kind of thing.

so timing is of essence.

you know when she wants to hold your hand when she sticks close to you, as in extra close. and if she's carrying something, which shouldn't be the case since u shld be the one carrying it, she'll always let her free hand be the hand nearest to you. so you can hold it DUH.

anyway, that's probably the cheapest and easiest trick to pull off.

oh, if she suddenly stops while you're executing your trick. u can still pull it off, but its more advisable to ask her why she stop.

she must show that she wanna hold hand first. or at least give u the opportunity to, otherwise THE TRICK WON'T WORK.

there's no playback either. if u manage to pull it off perfectly, repeat it a few more times, but space out. then after awhile she'll be used to holding your hand. then after that u got her in that aspect.

rmb, if it doesn't work, which i have no reason to believe why it should fail, it's pretty much good luck to you.

oh

if she says this.

run away.

"why u hold my hand?"

u can say sorry or something. think of something. it either means she got nothing to say or she suspicious of u, coz maybe she doesn't like u.

at this point, u can say, coz i have to practice to be your boyfriend. otherwise ltr i boyfriend noob.

haha.

anyway, the chances of saying that is low. so hopefully u get the more open girls. XD

Tactics

2007-07-31T19:57:00.000+08:00

ok, kinda bored.

anywae decided to tap a little keys.

this is called.

dating tactics from an absolute noob. no experience pure theories

1) be extra early [like 5-30 minutes earlier, even if the girl reaches one two hour late. it shows your discipline state and you wouldn't want to upset her if she suddenly came extra early. she can count on you to be at least reliable on punctuality from this....]

2) create conversations [as quoted, "everything under the sun" and added by me, "in the sun and above it. a good way to do this is spend your time waiting for her to think about things to talk about. like movies, games, school... try to figure out something. it makes you look entertaining and prevents her from looking down on you, thinking you're boring and dull.]

3) crack jokes [humour is always appreciated, especially to relieve tension. a girl will be more comfortable laughing with you or at you than staying silent and serious. depending on the type of the girl, whether she's serious or hilarious, you can XL her if she's the latter. she won't really mind, and it'll just make her angry at you in a happy positive way. and if she's the latter, don't always crack jokes in her way, if can, usually make the end of the joke be her. don't overdo it thou. if its the former, GG and just crack jokes on everything BUT her.]

4) keep in step with her [yeah, walking makes a lot of difference. don't walk to fast and let her keep pace. you must be the one with a lot of time, not her. and walk her to as much places as possible like to the bus-stop, her house or whaever. helps with the relationship and helps to gain comfortability with you from her.]

5) when you play arcade, play something you're good at. [of coz, she must be the sporty type, otherwise occasionally attempt this.... like drums, play some arcade game that isn't typical and you can own in. u muz like kinda train up. don't play like soul calibre and screw up each match. she will be dully bored and uninterested. unless she has been making you lose. that one, pretend to be frustrated but helpless in her clutches. pretend she's sadistic and you're the victim. it will help.]

6) be initiative [this is highly diverse to talk about. but basically, think a lot on the date. not about what you're gonna do to her when she invites you to her house, but on-current things. like if she's carrying a load, take if off her burden. like help her carry her books, her bag or something. be gentleman. of coz, you could XL her and pile everything on her. but onli for awhile. don't ever EVER truly mean a XL joke. like don't make the joke real. it SUKS. if she has changed mood or something, change your approach. be sensitive. don't think she has to revolve around u. revolve around her. same with conversation. start it first. and the holding hand part? u gotta be the one. if a girl holds your hand... muz mean she's not in the right emotional state or she's in the exactly right state. but u gotta b the one to be initiative. helps. kinda like, foresighting what comes next. yeah.]

7) no mp3's [and same goes for everything else. no psp, if you can afford one, no music, nothing plugged into the musical or virtual world. no gameboy, no ipod, no handphone. ah... handphone. no msg-ging other people, even if they're your teacher. if u msg, be frank about it. like, "ay, steven ask me to play pool again... i sure win he still ask..." you know? don't be like, "haha, this friday got match again, gonna pwn all of them. you got see my razor? with an aegis and divine sure gone case all." simply put, DON'T USE ANY ELECTRONIC device. she can, you can't. she can b msg-ging her ex-boyfriend how u suk but don't bother. who she msg, don't care. until you've reached the higher levels of relationship where she holds your phone for your other half of your lifetime and yours to hers. no electronic, non-electronic device that pulls your attention from her. all attention on HER. except when you're showing off.]

8) money [it is the least respectable aspect, but it make half the world go round. the half you'll currently be in when you're with her. make sure u got lots of it. so that when something happens, you always have the extra cold hard cash to cough up. yeah? imagine being broke infront of yer date... suks... and of coz... don't spend too much.. but treat her when possible. little things will do. don't go big when you're not sure if she's gonna b the one.]

9) dress code [dress to impress. see, if she dresses slouchily and all... you can forget the materialistic factor of her. but if your date arrives and she kills you with one look, rmb to dress up too... but you must take all this into beforehand consideration. dress smartly, for the occasion and with a bit of funkiness. IMPORTANT NOTE. DRESS SO THAT OTHER GIRLS WILL BE JEALOUS OF YOUR DATE COZ SHE'S WITH YOU. yeah... be the eye candy. make all the other girls look at you and then your gf will feel the intensity when girls are jealous of her. of coz, don't look them back and make your gf think you're a flirt. and don't dress to overkill. don't make it as if she's not pretty enuff for you. for the materialistic farts i mean.

10) manners. [yeah, gentlemanness.... open the door, wait for her to get up blah blah. this is self-taught. people who need to learn it need to get a boyfriend before a girlfriend. and i'm so not talking about girls.]

11) bag [yeah, this is important. if you're going to somewhere slackish where u dun nd to bring anything at all, heck this. but go for a movie or something, bring everything along. tissue paper, jacket, water.... necessities for wimps, but it will help if your date is cold, needs to blow her nose, have a dry throat blah blah. band-aids are good too. be prepared to survive the onslaught of girl problems brought forth by dates. yeah yeah? prepare for all scenarios.]

12) do a checklist b4 u leave for your date. [yeah, go for a date with everything on you and not at home. don't go and then forget something. wooks man.]

13) don't be a bastard. [you can jio two at once, heck five at once. don't jio one when u already got one. that's all you need to know.]

14) respect!! [respect her. after that, you're all set.]

15) attitude [be courageous, be brave be anything but shy and cowardly. well... not anything... but u know wad i mean. and have a positive attitude. don't dread this date no matter how much it suks. unless i tell u to dread it.]

16) ask her out on an appropriate date [yeah, ask her out on a good day. not some day when she's all cramped up and u hafta feel the reject when she refuses becoz of her duties.]

17) have meals together [like dinner or something. don't be a cheapo and meet after lunch and go back after dinner. kinda suks on the guy]

18) treat her like a good friend but not a potential girlfriend. [helps for those who gonna get their head muddled up in thinking omg! she's going out with me!]

19) be nice, smell nice. [yeah, no stinky breath!!! and don't do sick things either. it's all under gentleman.]

20) last advice. unless you're confident, go out in a small group. helps relieve tension...

and that's all i could think of.

Emotions

2007-07-25T23:09:00.001+08:00

This is probably a rare treat for you all. May come back on another blue moon.

cornflakes with cubicular loackers are nice with cold milk.

There is something going on in my head now, and i can't get it out.

It's emotions beneath emotions, motives under as said, and secrets covered

-------------------------------------------------

thiS is the one i've hung around most than the other two, kinda like my information source or lIke my nice friend i have. right now more of studies, but hardly inteRact much. looking at perspectives, kinda feel weird with the person that hangs aroUnd her... to me i guess... but hey, what do i know?

this is probably what got me. the friendship of the first to the second.i know i've gone through the facts and conclusions, but i Just simply can't figure out why i'm edging away. All my thoughts start to begin with her... maybe becoz she brings more attention. her looks change by time though. mornings and evenings are different. sometimes i forget if it's actually her. Everything, towards her though, has slipped off to the chain below me...Like the first to the second, the second to the third.

Miracuously, i did the one rule i knew i shouldn't in... i incorporated her into my life. i tried i think. i tried to incorporate. it was a slight touch, but i guess its all just for friends. besides, the time i msg her was becoz of something, the true intention involves Attention.Virtually no one knows about what i'm saying, not even if u can figure out the hints i've droppe. I, for one, think i got myself into a nice save. i don't want to extend too far, but i know what i'm going for. she's slower than the above, slower in most aspect. haven trialed the second. but she is one that can turn very friendly and laughable. i'm suspecting its just me only. and can i go through with this? with my other cliques, other backgrounds behind me, will i survive? can i even start the survival in the first place... Sadly, i think not. oh well...

-----------------------------------------------

just wanted to express some of my thoughts. i nv tried this out. get the first, go for the second, grasp the third.

to reach the goal, one must overcome obstacles. to reach the goal unnoticed, one must be with the obstacles.

motive under motive, the tiny little drives that i make so i can see the next morning.

Rooms

2007-06-25T19:45:00.000+08:00

In room 1 i see a butterfly flitting back and forth another, a sense of failing uncertainty and wasted hope echoing through it.

In room 2 i see a butterfly playing with another, flying all over but with a noticeable distance holding them apart.

In room 3 i see a butterfly undaunted, much less possibly not bothered about, another butterfly who has been flying round and round it, trying to make it fly, trying to pull it up to the clouds, trying to be with it in the air.

And i see myself completing my book before 17.

Random Lyrics

2007-06-23T21:30:00.001+08:00

Was bored on the 159 bus going home. Decided to scribble out some words.

I so can make lyrics.

Wicked

One year back 06
Listen to this rethought remix
A random feeling unfurl
Coz i, coz i found a girl

ain't what i expected
ain't what i dreamt
our relation went imperfected
and like every other destiny bent

i managed to break away
but a year on one day
she found me back
a truth so hearted it was a fact

and i realized
like a little cure bug
i had her compromised
i was, i was her drug

and she couldn't seem to let go
it was falling into an endless hole
she clung like a sick child
because she realize she loved me all this while

like a broken boomerang
this life spun off in an arc
twisted back like a storm of sand
crumbling with a single touch

the thoughts were there no longer
the emotions went no further
a torn triumph card
i was her little drug

if you're gonna ask me this is about whom. haha. don't have one. nobody really fits this lyric.

it's called bored.

rar. sch's in and i accomplished zero gaming since a day or two back.

no games till o levels. wicked.

Finally i've broken one fellow

2007-06-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

10.12am Tuesday June 19 2007

i'm not moved, touched or affected by emotion-based events

that would have gotten the guy back. sadly it's different for me.

you see, life is not unfair.

life is very very fair. and i support it.

people take things for granted. always. it doesn't matter how many times you drill this into your head, sooner or later there'll be this i took it for granted effect.

maybe i could have held on. but i've moved into the position of letting go very quickly.

i never hold on, or grasp the past.

it's called memories. memories that will be etched into your mind.

just like my friend, who created a perfect image of her boyfriend and then forgot him, so that the image will never be changed by whatever happens.

going too deep is bad,

going too far is bad.

but if you know why, if you wish to rely on hope. then something will happen for worst or better.

i learnt to let go. none of you should copy me.

Lost

2007-06-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

Ok, bad news. i lost my allowance in my room.

i can't seem to get what i want

and

i totally can't fix back my rubik cube.

Heroes totally rock.

if i wanna be a hero, and if i had super abilities

it would be to use up 100% of my brain power.

and

it would to be to voluntarily evolve without a long drag in time.

imagine evolving into something, like a hybrid octopus shark

or a flying man. haha. i would love to fly.

but 100% brain power.

it'd be like

perfection for everything i do. perfection for the situation. it's a difference of being perfect and perfect for the situation.

anywae, that would be my power.

to use any percentage and ability of my brain.

haha!

and of course, if my brain powers doesn't include that, it'd be short-distance zero-cooldown teleportation without stress to my body or mind.

and if i could be a story book hero

i'd want to be the 44th reincarnation of Death.

I for one is Me

2007-06-15T22:02:00.001+08:00

I decided that, as far as unfairness will go

what i am will get me what i am up to

a 60% will return a 60%

a perfect will return a perfect

a fail will return a fail

so as theory goes.

ever watched how a 10% results in 100%?

or a 90% resulting in a fail?

yeah, life does that.

it simply means you ain't in control of your life yet.

i'm gonna join some skating organization and put my perfect inside there and hope to achieve, find and get a perfect.

it's juz rambling...

All I can see are the Clouds that won't fade away

I sit on an empty grass hill
staring across till i'm fill
where the sun set and rise each morn
wishin' away this dead atmosphere i adorn

thoughts slip out of my head and drift away
slowly by slow i'm dusting each day
where the sun meets the horizon
is the amount of pictures i've drawn

images of solitude
images of a flickering prelude
my soul ceases to move
and i realise that hope is never a truth

the wind sweep past
across, over the hills so vast
and i lie on the highest hill
waiting, slowly, to then, to till...

to till the skys turn red
to till i am dead
to till i can't no more on the hills lay
to till all i can see are clouds that won't fade away

and i sit up and lace my fingers, placing my heavy head onto them, resting my elbows on my knees and feel the zephyr whip through me with my frozen eyes staring at the horizon, staring, hoping, wishing.

i know nothing will ever come out. and one day, just that one day, i gave up and walked away, far far away, and i never once looked back.

i never looked back at the person who was just like me, waiting waiting, but we just never noticed there was someone on the hill behind us.

Problematic

2007-06-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

friends are still the cheapest thing to get, but the most expensive thing to maintain.

Like my friend.

Kept too close for comfort and next thing was relationship severed and ties hated to the core.

I mean, as much as i am inexperienced in relationships, i find that a few useful things to keep are trust and reliability and privacy.

there may be more, but these are just a few i pointed out.

I mean, to trust a friend requires a great deal. to trust a friend what they are doing is correct, what they will do is correct, what they have done is correct.

but never ever, trust a friend. no matter who the heck that person is. trust a friend but not his heart. trust his body but not his soul. trust his head but not his mind.

darkness is merely the absence of light, the back of something and found everywhere.

also, aside reliability privacy is just as important. while it's stupid to keep everything from your friend, he might as well just be your hi-bye nobody, sometimes you shouldn't divulge everything from your mind into a person.

without knowledge, anything can kill
with knowledge the chances is higher

and never seek too much of a person's privacy. if your best friend has a girlfriend, and you don't have one, what would the world be if you knew about it? so what if you could glimpse into the life you failed at? it doesn't matter. staying away from some information unless spitted out is usually a good thing.

there are some unsaid boundaries to step away from, some to cross.

knowing which ones to break and keep away from at the right time is called wisdom.

sadly it's rare to see that trait.

will i make a good one? probably yes.

but can i make a good one? different questions calls for different answer

no

Wicked

2007-06-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

Ok, nthing much to say except

izzit right to steal a human possession?

i probably can't pull it off. But rite now, it sickens me because it's already possessed, but there's a glimmer of faint wickedness within me that i'm stealing.

even though it may never transfer ownership over... but heck it's a chance and it'll keep my brain occupied on that aspect.

slack, skate sunburn.

whoo i so love that day when we turned tampines hockey rink into our chalet.

why would anyone shoot a target that cannot be shot at?

because it gives them the deceiving chance that it might hit.

and sometimes, they do

Random Lyric

2007-06-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

Falling in Love for all the wrong Reasons

look over there who'ja girl who came
hello hello can i know your name
pretty as she is, she's a first sight killer
deep inside i knew i had to get her

and i did the biggest mistake i could ever do
i knew destiny was always never ever too true
she may be the girl who makes my heart burn
but i fell in love for all the wrong reasons

she's beautiful she's sweet with her, all's past
who ever knew it'd never will last
she's charming she's witty
who could predict the ending'd never be happy

she knows it kills a guy to bball in the rain
she knew it'd make every boy's heart in pain
she knows how to dress, she knows how to touch
she knows how to barely remain within my clutch

upstage she will play her flute till everyone's bewitch
backstage she'd backstab the bitch
outside you'd break at her smiling
inside she was a scheming concoction brewing

i knew it all, i knew everything
but i couldn't let her go, i didn't want to be nothing
so i did the stupidest thing in all of history
woe me in for misery

i did the biggest mistake i could ever do
i knew destiny was always never ever too true
she may be the girl who makes my heart burn
but i fell in love with her for all the wrong reasons

i fell in
i fell in
i fell in love
one shot straight tru the heart
vowed no matter what we'll never be apart

even though, even though

i fell in love with her for all the wrong reasons.

checkit out

2007-06-10T14:27:00.001+08:00

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/533806

you probably do well.

Blah

2007-06-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

I never realli liked blogging about daily events or whatever. Rather blog about issues and psychological matters.

Anywae, today was the sole day i WISHED i had not gone for my hockey friendly match but stayed at home and then gone out to watch a movie with my friend.

But like all right decisions, i went for hockey, thrashed the weaker team and lost not too badly [0-2 this time, unlike 1-14 the last time] to the better team.

We all, me telan and sean, made a pact to score one goal.

I scored 3, sean 2 and telan one.

But telan's sole shot is so damn spectacular. He plays a right stick, which means right now at this point he's weaker at anti-clockwise shots, or shots to his right side.

But this shot, he came in to the goal from the left of him, chasing after a rolling puck and tripped and shot the puck from a disadvantaged anti-clockwise angle to his right and SCORED!!!!

LIKE WT*???? even i cannot do that.

Coz lar, i nd confidence then can.

And sean, u wasted opportunity to ask her number.

it was excellently good improvement. wrong usage of grammar but heck lar.

But i nd to study. I seriously lack motivation there.

i took it, i took the chance by free will
took it upon my own sole intention
but all the chance i took i kept paying it's bill
can this time my choice not be my devastation

i never pushed myself too far too hard
always passively waiting deciding thinking
hoping one day to play my triumph card
but like a raw star that day kept distant, kept flickering

times i stole opportunity when i shouldn't
only to be lucky that it never worked out
sometimes i did things i knew i couldn't
maybe it was meant that presence was never about

like a butterfly i could never catch
like a drenched little burnt match
i could never fully grasp the essence, the soul
never could get anything but a mental shaking cold

then one day chance came upon me
not because it was present because i made it
this time it wasn't the luck i carried that was be
this time was my mind my part my wit

chance, faked and truth, all sound the same
i nearly took the bait to lair
at that time i had a different job, different game
and tried as i must both couldn't fit and somehow that was fair

turned out my chance was found by, lost by luck
wasn't my fault but a higher order's
lucky the chance i made i had it chuck
this round i never joined the table of lost hopeless's

maybe next time i'll create another one
just like i always tried, always used to
as always i realize that i could be done
maybe all along i was supposed to

I realize, what kept me going, what kept me trying, what kept me living all along was never the result but in the hope that i might achieve.

I was one who always revolved around, relied on luck. The chance of being lucky, the optimism of being naive, but i couldn't care less.

And i will never because no matter what i will keep trying simply because that there's always such a thing called luck.

And if you thought luck was striking 4D, then you're stupid.

Luck is not about gaining something;

Luck is about not losing something you should have

Always rmb my rule of luck.

Change and hope, that is what i rely on for the next day. If you never figure out what you want so that you live the next day, then it's gonna be a regrettable weekend.

I so love social issues

2007-06-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

society is the one thing we live for, work for, die for.

If you don't believe me, ask yourself. You will tell you that that is the truth nothing less everything more.

And with society, goes everything related to oneself. I'M FOCUSING ON A GENERAL TERM OF THE NORMAL PEOPLE OUT THERE, so don't come and argue what nuts that there are exception. Sure, you want to talk about exceptions?

Exceptions are rare abnormalities that superceeds or crumbles compared to the stereotypical generic people. Exceptions are those who are born or decide to do things people don't generally do. Exceptions are never included in any of my debates unless I'm assaulting you on your arguement. Exceptions are stupid things which cause instabilities to debates because it becomes more of a depend situation than a hard solid fact debate.

See, in society, the generic person will always be concerned about image, impressions and identity with without the ability to be conscious about it.

But in the background, which is what i wish to aim about today, is always totally different to many as reflected among their public status.

The most important background, is not always the surroundings, the history, the parentage, the childhood but just the family. General as it seems, the family holds an important part.

Watch as a family headfigure who seems nice and gentlemanly, or gentlewomanly for those biased against talks which always relate to the male aspect first, turn nasty, vulgar and screaming in the homes of the unlucky victim.

As such, i have known many families who look pretty on the outside but crumble and fall apart within. Beauty is only skin deep, but everyone, the generical ones, will always go for it.

Impression is always what people put first, as always my arguement falls for the normal people and not exception.

That's why, a lot of people, will rather hide from the truth and live in fakeness and disreality.

Ok, talking about crap but heck

Coming up with my storyline pretty soon. Starts off with a prophecy.

XD.

Ja.

Issues from the past resurfacing

2007-06-06T00:17:00.000+08:00

Today i had the liberty of treating three friends of mine to movie. Yeah! Getting something based on my own ability with a lot of factors included.

I realize [ damn the british spelling for making me spell it with a Z instead of an S for realize ] that the most important thing i look out for in going out is etiquette and behavior. In fact, due to my observant personality, i realize that not many people think about what other people think of them.

In truth, because i bother about etiquette and behavior and mannerism and attitude and whatever that comes to factoring down how the impression of the person is being portrayed out to others, i think a lot and everything i do comes with double thinking. The times like i seem i never think at all is nearly on purpose.

Anywaes, not pointing out the fact that people have no skills in impressing people, just pointing out that image is what the public is most concerned about, and the public is what we revolve around.

Half the world hates you, half the world loves you. This is true, because it's said by me.

And most of the biased conversations that i listen to everyday are boring, because i can defend and attack the victim with the thinking i have in mind.

Simply to say, it's either i'm too matured... nonono. maturity has nothing to do with this. Simply put, i'm too indepth into my thinking. Like i've proven and said before, i've reached a level where no one has yet to touch of my generation.

Once you've my thinking, a lot of things are quite boring.

I'm sidetracking totally and conscious about it.

Reality check: I can't live without changes and I won't stick to the present. I've analyzed my past and this fact is concluded and concretely proven. I'm always looking for a change. But the things that can anchor me to the monotonity will be the things that i will hold important.

RAR!!! I WAN PLAY POOL DAMMIT!!

and i so love my wheel configuration of

back wheel - hard / outdoor
second last wheel - soft / indoor
second wheel - soft / outdoor
front wheel -soft / outdoor

totally wrong combination but i can hockey stop easier. i think it's all in the mindset but i love the new gripping and zero-friction slides.

Sick physically

2007-06-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

I ain't no captain for no nothing.

I juz finished my 15km paya lebar airbase runway. The rest of the group, or the 8-9 of us who came, except for Brandon, yes the little kid who is a natural bad boy, died at the 7km mark. That includes Ken, Telan and the whole other bunch of hockey bad boys. Except for Terence. He doesn't fit in that group.

But it's quite sad, in that my teacher said she registered like about 32 people, and was supposed to b given the award for largest registered group [in which i know inline culture has over a 100 ++ people] but only 25% came. i suppose it's largest school group lar.

kinda fun, XL people, going thru couples and people who stick close together and chionging.

of coz, i vomited and had a seriously bad heache. was grumpy for awhile. but i realise, hey, i did 15km, there's nothing to b grumpy about. being grumpy is just a natural psychological effect of headache and i got over being grumpy very fast. XDXD

and i so wanted to each lunch with my friends at hougang point. POTS AND PANS!! the most cool shop in point's kopitiam EXCEPT the stupid soup.

and i'm soooo shacked.

O-M-G

2007-06-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

Pwned is a term when skill is being applied by the user to defeat the opponent.

O-M-G is a term when a kid called Felix Chow who has absolutely no skill in playing pool wins three times in a round, and those three times are his first times, and he wins because

: opponent [GN] shoots black eight into hole
: no balls left and fires white ball into the hole and somehow the black ball rolls into the hole [clear table]
: dad calls him and he tells himself last try and clears his last ball and does a long-range shot to the black ball and scores.

of coz, this hasn't included the number of times tyco shots were made such as long-range, back-shot, cannon-shot, break-shot and the one where you score a ball, the white ball goes whizzing to the hole and simply bounces on the edges of the hole but DOES NOT go in. <<< my first score!!

haha. anywae, i kinda like pool. gives the matured feeling. lol.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY leo.

good to be 16.

actually pool i play well coz i know how to be a beginner. you learn frm previous tries, apply different methods, find the one that suits you and improve on it. it's quite basical really. and sometimes, use the experience from online games or whatever. most of the time all games are linked and the strategy used here is same as there. generally usually stereotypically.

i do hope the best for my friend.

ok, todae's first june and i will finish some studying or work.

yes, i will improve my english by reading!!!

i love yesterday, today and everyday, i love my friends, i love my family, i love trying new things out, and i love myself.

can you say that to yourself?

knowing what's it like to be normal

2007-05-30T12:49:00.000+08:00

when one stops thinking, it's the most fun thing i could ever do.

spent my time wandering out there buying a portable speaker. in which i founded one which had a switch for bat or no bat. super cool. juz when i was like, thinking whether i shld buy a bat or no bat one.

then headed down for dinner at home. if it's one thing i truly love and respect, it's my family dinners. i'll try to come home for dinner. nt tt i'm broke but it's a sign of a respectful family member. some rules are unsaid and have to be figured out themselves.

gelare goes for 50% off on tuesday at PS. whee. and the food there is so anti-bamboo.

but nv eat fattening food on a empty stomach. u'll eat more and it gets worst. except tt i dun get fat. my 6-pec is a sign tt i haven't lost it to obesity.

founded LAN people and headed down for a game of dota at RS b4 going CS at netforce. super sweet lar. nv had an outing such like ytd man. and my brother thrashed the CT and weiize group. wicked sia.

passively attempting mission impossible.

no one seems keen on buying my auctioned items.

back once more one time maybe last shot then gone no more

2007-05-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

looks like there are people who missed me.

my old blog still hanging around if you wanna see 350++ worth of post that includes every nearly single thing i've went thru.

today, thks to one of my friend, i realised how impt and how lucky i am to have my dad. not in the aspect of existion but in the terms that my dad is good.

hols are here.

and on june 1st, it's 6 months worth of studying. if i can do it, simply means i'm the man fit to earn the title self-motivated kid.

i shall score my A's of my own accord.

nv liked working too much but heys, there are times to do well and all wad rite? lols.

suffer before enjoy, enjoy before suffer.

it's a sick, vicious cycle everyone goes through and it's something i've learnt a few years back.

been thru a lot since my last post and changed a lot from three years back, or three months back to say actually.

no longer interested in any girls except these two. Sypha and Ashlyn. character's i've drawn, fell in love with and dreamt about. they will be characters in my life and they will be 2D fantasies i can draw and now they're sitting in my folder.

~falling in love with fake people